I’m such a horrible person: after failing my AP Bio (ok, I never really fail), I won’t even make myself study Economics for tomorrow. Oh well… I love these questions, stolen from Marc and ANgel Hack Life.
How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?
I would probably be older. If I didn’t know how to count years, I would say I was millions of dawns and 22 seconds of respiration old.
Which is worse, failing or never trying?
Failing. Because people cannot try everything in their life, but if they fail at everything they try, they just don’t try hard enough which is obviously my case when it comes to studying.
If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?
Because we are not completely free individuals. Our minds do not allow us to selfishly concentrate only on ourselves and thus we follow either the dictate of society or the more subtle dictate of other people’s needs. Besides, we are scared to take the ultimate step closer to something nonconventional.
When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?
In some areas, yes. In others, I would have probably done more than said. Overall, there will always be more talk from me than rapid actions, I must say.
What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?
The definitions of some words. And using the word “acceptance” rather than “tolerance”.
If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?
Writing, thinking, seeing and describing.
Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?
I am doing what I believe in and brave enough to add, always.
If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?
I wouldn’t. I already plan to die when I am around 40 years old.
To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?
To a great degree. I chose to live the life I’m living now.
Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?
I am more worried about doing the right things because that is always more difficult for me since my personal moral standard and opinions on just differ distinctively from those of my friends and family.
You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire. They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend. The criticism is distasteful and unjustified. What do you do?
If it’s only distasteful, I listen, deeply not approving of the comments. If it’s unjust, I voice my opinion about their comments, but do not defend the person.
If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?
No matter what you do or say, be responsible for it.
Would you break the law to save a loved one?
Such an average, vague answer, but it depends. What degree law? Save from what? Someone who is loved by others or intimately by me? It depend on the level of my ratio at the very moment and on what I consider just and fair.
Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity?
I think I always first saw creativity and later some insanity. I first observe the beauty and then allow my criticism come forward.
What’s something you know you do differently than most people?
Read a book. Sleep. Write. Sit on a chair. Control my expressions.
How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy?
Because I never feel happy and even if I did, I wouldn’t be able to deliver my happiness to other people.
What one thing have you not done that you really want to do? What’s holding you back?
I haven’t told the ones I loved I loved them. I think I am too proud to say it as well as too scared to risk it.
Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?
Yes but I am the only one who knows and that’s how it stays.
If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why?
Currently I want to move to a fast moving city, something like Hong Kong, New York, or Tokyo. However, my only melancholic dream country to move to has always been Italy and I feel I can stick with it even though there are moments when I just want to be lost in a great big decadence of lights and sounds.
Do you push the elevator button more than once? Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster?
I do not. This is a rare occurrence of my patience. But perhaps it’s only my logic, because I know the elevator would not move any faster.
Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?
We all know the answer. Worried genius.
Why are you, you?
Because I choose to.
Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend?
No, in most cases, no.
Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you?
The latter one. After a good friend moves away, the memories stay, when you lose touch with somebody, there is an empty space instead of memories.
What are you most grateful for?
For my ability to think freely and to be able to see.
Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones?
Never be able to make new ones. Past is just a dust and dirt on my tongue. Present is nonexistence. Future is best predictable when we create it.
Is is possible to know the truth without challenging it first?
No, never. My whole existence depends on that.
Has your greatest fear ever come true?
Partially yes but I constantly develop new fears and constantly overcome some old fears so it evens out.
Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset? Does it really matter now?
I don’t remember because it doesn’t matter.
What is your happiest childhood memory? What makes it so special?
When I was pretending I am the teacher and all the 10 kids in the class. I would switch roles instantly and taught as well as let myself be taught by… myself. Sometimes all the talking was only in my head, sometimes I would talk aloud. I never had any imaginary friends; I always knew it was me, only different parts of my personality at that time.
At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive?
That one night in the rain so many years ago. The other night in an underground club in Prague so many months ago.
If not now, then when?
I already decided for now. College life is waiting, I hope.
If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose?
Everything I have worked hard to build up but sometimes it doesn’t matter even to me and I risk it.
Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever?
No. But soulmates never die…
Why do religions that support love cause so many wars?
Because religion is actually a well-thought, complex, brainwashing conspiracy and does not really promote love.
Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil?
No, there always is and should be doubt.
If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job?
No. Million dollars doesn’t give me the feeling of fullness my job should provide.
Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing?
It doesn’t really matter to me. In both cases, there would always be something I would not be satisfied with.
Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before?
Yes. More than a hundred times. I feel I could change my view and find every single day something I lived the day for, but I feel I have become too skeptical and pessimistic for that. I wish I could choose to see differently but it doesn’t work that way for me. Not yet.
When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in?
Today. I am quite radical when it comes to independence, freedom, responsibility, and justice and the dark is nothing that can stop me from pursuing the ideas I believe in. I just feel a bit more aware but not blind.
If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today?
Nobody. 86 400 seconds are not enough to visit everyone I know and choosing among them would be unfair.
Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous?
No. I can recreate the idea of myself but I cannot honor myself with the gift of more life span; it seems illogical to me to do so.
What is the difference between being alive and truly living?
Read Thoreau’s Walden and maybe you will guess it right.
When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right?
When you feel tired of the calculations. For me, this time has not come yet.
If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake?
Because we actually never learn and it is embarrassing to be going in a circle full of mistakes. For me, it’s all about making better mistakes tomorrow.
What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?
I would be using words like fuck and god dammit more often. Seriously.
When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing?
This morning. It is the first thing I ultimately notice every cold morning I wake up to.
What do you love? Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love?
I love love but usually keep it as a secret in order not to retouch the vision of myself I usually carry on. However, today I smiled at my depressed professor only for the sake of showing my support and love.
In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday? What about the day before that? Or the day before that?
No I won’t because nothing very meaningful has happened in any day I have spent here. I know, my current existence is truly sad. Maybe I will remember that I smile at my professor because when I did that, I almost remembered some tangible, long forgotten part of me that I wanted to wake up and bring to light once again. Maybe I will remember.
Decisions are being made right now. The question is: Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you?
This is a funny question for everyone who knows me or even thinks s/he knows me. I make my own decisions. I choose my future. And I am ready to be responsible for it to myself.
