I am back in Prague. Back home? I don’t know. You know, when Bee says that she has lived here for 15 years but it is not home in her heart, I have to sympathize with her. But Michigan is not my home either. Maybe the US, if I took it as a whole, but I would be the first one to argue with myself about “taking the US as a whole”. I simply feel lost.

The flight was long and I almost didn’t make it because the school bus driving us to the airport was just so fucking slow. I had to run to my terminal but somewhere deep in my chaotic thoughts was a great excitement. Maybe, if I missed the flight, maybe I could just rebook my flight and go randomly to Boston and New York to meet with my friends there. But I am here at last. Prague. I don’t even know what to do here other than reading and writing. I feel lost in the fundaments of this place; I feel lost among the crooked trees here.

I slept for 24 hours because the testing week left me no other option than to pack in the middle of the night and then I didn’t sleep on the plane, as always, but still–24 hours?–that shocks me. I feel the change deep inside me: I am not craving for coffee, instead I am wistfully wishing to get good, slightly bitter green tea. And I want to write. There is something I really want to finish; it’s still about the old friends, Albino and Lucifer. It seems odd for me to go back to past in my thoughts and regain inspiration from old texts of Syndrom Snopp, A Clockwork Orange, the underground illegal art, and Kafka. The main theme revolves around Anonymous and I am even brave enough to state that Albino is such a Gatsbyian character. No, he didn’t change my point of view on The Great Gatsby, but something in me feels connected to Gatsby and I want to take a part of his soul and give it to Albino, the crucifixion of everything that is real and free. For him, religion is spirituality’s shadow; for him, Platonic love is the purest core of a D/s relationship. He would say, Shah Mat, hoi polloi, because none of us is as cruel as all of us. And yet, he is the most hypocritical character I have ever written. Maybe he just wants to be more like me…